by Catholic-Saints.net
Note: I don't agree in everything that website contains so be careful in visiting it. But the following is worth reading. You may or may not agree with some of the explanations besides the Declarations of the Popes, Saints and the Revelations of St. Bridget approved by Cardinal Torquemada:
Quieting
vs Inflaming Concupiscence
Pope
Pius XI, Casti Connubii (# 17), Dec. 31, 1930: “THE PRIMARY END OF
MARRIAGE IS THE PROCREATION AND THE EDUCATION OF CHILDREN... For in
matrimony as well as in the use of matrimonial rights there are also secondary
ends, such as mutual aid, the cultivation of mutual love, and the quieting
of concupiscence which husband and wife are not forbidden
to consider, so long as they are subordinated to the primary
end and so long as the intrinsic nature of the act is preserved.”
A
husband and wife are allowed to quiet concupiscence as a secondary motive after
the first motive of procreation. This is a dogma proclaimed by Pope Pius XI
above. This means to put down the flames of concupiscence, and not to inflame
it in any way. The goal is to get the spouse to Heaven, to glorify God, and
sanctify one self, and not primarily about pleasure. The gravity of sin, when
inflaming concupiscence, depends on the thoughts and actual deeds that a couple
consent to during the act of marriage. But husband and wife are never allowed
to prevent the conception of a child in any way, either through contraceptives,
or by withdrawal... Further, doing acts above what is
necessary in the marital act, can be a mortal sin, but if the act is natural,
yet done for the sake of lust only, it seems to be at least a venial fault or
defect, as the following Church teaching affirms:
Various
Errors on Moral Subjects, Condemned in a decree of the Holy Office, March 4,
1679: “THE ACT OF MARRIAGE EXERCISED FOR PLEASURE
ONLY IS ENTIRELY FREE OF ALL FAULT AND VENIAL DEFECT.” (Denz. 1159)
-Condemned by Pope Innocent XI.
As
we can see above, it is at least a fault or venial defect to have relations
only for lustful motives. From this can be learned that a couple must have a
reason for coming together during the marital act. Thus, they may not just come
together for whatever lustful reason they may come to think of, for that would
be (at least) a venial defect, according to Catholic teaching. Faults or venial
defects open up the soul to graver sins and that is why one must always guard
oneself very carefully from falling into faults and defects. A couple can only
lawfully participate in the marital act (without any sin or defect) if it's
done for the primary purpose of having children, and the secondary purpose of
quieting the concupiscence. The secondary motive of quieting concupiscence can
follow the primary motive if the spouses choose this, but the secondary motive
is not needed to lawfully complete the marital act in the same way as the
primary motive of raising children, nor is it meritorious even though it is
allowed:
Pope
Pius XI, Casti Connubii (# 17), Dec. 31, 1930: “THE PRIMARY END OF
MARRIAGE IS THE PROCREATION AND THE EDUCATION OF CHILDREN... For in
matrimony as well as in the use of matrimonial rights there are also secondary
ends, such as mutual aid, the cultivation of mutual love, and the quieting
of concupiscence which husband and wife are not forbidden
to consider, so long as they are subordinated to the primary
end and so long as the intrinsic nature of the act is preserved.”
Since
many couples today, and especially those who call themselves by the name of
Catholic, inflame their lust to the fullest both before, during and after the
procreative act...
Notice
the words of Pope Pius XI: “quieting of concupiscence”.
Those who thus commit acts which are not necessary for the completion of the
marital act absolutely commit sin, since they inflame their flesh in a totally
sinful way. Therefore, the inflaming of concupiscence is condemned as sinful
because it subordinates the secondary end (or purpose) of marriage and the
marriage act (the quieting of concupiscence) to other ends. It subordinates the
secondary end of marriage to other things, by deliberately attempting to avoid
the normal procreative act as their first or only act of marriage, to other
things while having marital relations. The inflaming of concupiscence therefore
inverts the order established by God Himself. It does the very thing that Pope
Pius XI solemnly teaches may not lawfully be done. And this point destroys all
of the arguments made by those who defend unnatural, unlawful, non-procreative
forms of fore-or-after-play outside of normal intercourse; because all of the
arguments made by those who defend inflaming the flesh, focus on the
concupiscence and lust within the marriage act itself, and not on the primary
or secondary ends of lawful intercourse (the procreation and education of
children; and the quieting of concupiscence).
So
what these lustful couples then do by enhancing their pleasure during the
marital act, is not the only lawful quieting of concupiscence
that Pope Pius XI spoke about, but is the exact opposite, since they first
inflame their lust and concupiscence before putting it out, and are therefore
then, without a doubt, committing sin (probably even a mortal sin depending on
what they thought, did or consented to during their impure act). If such a lust
seeking couple is not guilty of mortal sin, then they are guilty of venial sin.
For if coming together only for normal lustful motives is at least a venial
fault or defect according to Catholic teaching, what then would those unnatural
and unnecessary acts be that these lustful people live out during the heat of
their shameful lust?
Various
Errors on Moral Subjects, Condemned in a decree of the Holy Office, March 4,
1679: “THE ACT OF MARRIAGE EXERCISED FOR PLEASURE
ONLY IS ENTIRELY FREE OF ALL FAULT AND VENIAL DEFECT.” (Denz. 1159)
-Condemned by Pope Innocent XI.
Although
a venial fault does not separate us from God as does a mortal sin, a venial
defect can still (if practiced unto death) lead a person to Hell since it might
lead him into committing other sins, and since he did not care to stop doing
what he knew was a danger to his soul, and even took great delight in it,
though he knew it was offending God. To consent to faults and defects, or
deliberate venial sins, is of course very bad. We can learn this truth from
Jesus Christ himself:
“Moreover,
know that just as all mortal sins are very serious, so too a venial sin is made
mortal if a human being delights in it with the intention of persevering.”
(Jesus speaking to St. Bridget, Book 7, Chapter 27).
So,
to deliberately live in faults and defects are truly a gateway into committing
more grave sins. An even more clearer demonstration of this can be seen in
another chapter of St. Bridget's revelations:
The Son of God speaks to the bride (St.
Bridget): “What are you
worried and anxious about?" She answered: "I am afflicted by various
useless thoughts that I cannot get rid of, and hearing about your terrible
judgment upsets me." The Son answered: "This is truly just. Earlier
you found pleasure in worldly desires against my will, but now different
thoughts are allowed to come to you against your will.
“But have a prudent fear of God, and put great
trust in me, your God, knowing for certain that when your mind does not take
pleasure in sinful thoughts but struggles against them by detesting them, then
they become a purgation and a crown for the soul. But if you take
pleasure in committing even a slight sin, which you know to be a sin, and you
do so trusting to your own abstinence and presuming on grace, without doing
penance and reparation for it, know that it can become a mortal sin.
Accordingly, if some sinful pleasure of any kind comes into your mind, you
should right away think about where it is heading and repent...
“...God hates nothing so much as when you
know you have sinned but do not care, trusting to your other
meritorious actions, as if, because of them, God would put up with your sin,
as if he could not be glorified without you, or as if he would let you do
something evil with his permission, seeing all the good deeds you have
done, since, even if you did a hundred good deeds for each wicked one, you
still would not be able to pay God back for his goodness and love. So, then,
maintain a rational fear of God and, even if you cannot prevent these thoughts,
then at least bear them patiently and use your will to struggle against them.
You will not be condemned because of their entering your head, unless you take
pleasure in them, since it is not within your power to prevent them.
“Again, maintain your fear of God in order not
to fall through pride, even though you do not consent to the thoughts. Anyone
who stands firm stands by the power of God alone. Thus fear of God is like the
gateway into heaven. Many there are who have fallen headlong to their deaths,
because they cast off the fear of God and were then ashamed to make a
confession before men, although they had not been ashamed to sin before God.
Therefore, I shall refuse to absolve the sin of a person who has not cared
enough to ask my pardon for a small sin. In this manner, sins are increased
through habitual practice, and a venial sin that could have been pardoned
through contrition becomes a serious one through a person's negligence and
scorn, as you can deduce from the case of this soul who has already been
condemned.
“After having committed a venial and
pardonable sin, he augmented it through habitual practice, trusting to his
other good works, without thinking that I might take lesser sins into account.
Caught in a net of habitual and inordinate pleasure, his soul neither corrected
nor curbed his sinful intention, until the time for his sentencing stood at the
gates and his final moment was approaching. This is why, as the end
approached, his conscience was suddenly agitated and painfully afflicted
because he was soon to die and he was afraid to lose the little, temporary good
he had loved. Up until a sinner's final moment God abides him, waiting to
see if he is going to direct his free will away from his attachment to sin.
“However, if a soul's will is not
corrected, that soul is then confined by an end without end. What happens is
that the devil, knowing that each person will be judged according to his
conscience and intention, labors mightily at the end of life to distract the
soul and turn it away from rectitude of intention, and God allows it to happen,
since the soul refused to remain vigilant when it ought to have...” (The
Revelations of St. Bridget of Sweden, Book 3, Chapter 19).
So,
what does God think of couples who come together during the act of marriage in
sinful lust and concupiscence, and about a couple who works on the inflaming of
lust (rather than the quieting of their lust)?
“They
seek the warmth and sexual lust that will perish and love the flesh that will be
eaten by worms... When the couple comes to bed, my Spirit leaves
them immediately and the spirit of impurity approaches instead because they
only come together for the sake of lust and do not discuss or think about
anything else with each other. But my mercy is still with them if they
will be converted to me. Because of my great love, I place a living soul
created by my power into their seed. Sometimes I let evil parents give birth to
good children, but more often, evil children are born of evil parents, since
these children imitate the evil and unrighteous deeds of their parents as much
as they are able and would imitate it even more if my patience allowed
them. Such a married couple will never see my face unless they repent.
For there is no sin so heavy or grave that penitence and repentance
does not wash it away.” (St. Bridget's Revelations, Book 1,
Chapter 26).
A
couple may therefore then not do anything before, during or after the
procreative act that is against the primary or secondary purpose of marriage,
the begetting of children and the quieting of concupiscence. So, contrary to
modern day notion and common opinion (even amongst those who dare to call
themselves Catholic), a husband and a wife are never allowed to help themselves
with their hands or do other things to enhance their lust, or in this way make
themselves “ready” before the act (as they so call it and their sinful excuse
is). If a couple really believes in God, they should pray to God before coming
together, and God would hear their prayers and make them ready, without any
further need by the couple to inflame their lust in a sinful way. Lubricants
are of course also acceptable and the non sinful way to use if there is a
problem to complete the marital act. However, lubricants that increase the
sexual pleasure and that now are being manufactured and sold are of course
totally unacceptable. Likewise, if a woman was not able to quiet her
concupiscence before the fulfillment of the procreative act, it is unlawful for
her (or her husband) to help herself afterwards. If husband and wife engage in
unlawful activities such as masturbation or any other unnecessary act, they
committed a mortal sin. Barren couples and people with defects or old age still
fulfills the primary end of marriage through normal intercourse by wishing for
children and by not being against conception if it should occur. Husband and
wife are forbidden to indulge in unnecessary acts, e.g. to masturbate
themselves or their spouse during the procreative act and in this way enhance
their lust. Masturbation is as forbidden during the procreative act as it is at
any other time for any person. To avoid falling into mortal sin, a couple need
to learn to pray to God for relief in their concupiscence and lust. If you
really want help from God, He will help you and remove the concupiscence and
lust from you. It would also help very much to offer up penances to God like
fasting and eating less tasty food in order to acquire this goal. These small
penances coupled with spiritual reading and prayer will help a couple stem
sinful inclinations as long as they stay out of mortal and venial sin.
It
is of greatest importance that husband and wife are not influenced by the evil
demonic teachings that is rampant in the secular world and even amongst those
who call themselves "Catholic" or even traditional
"Catholic". These people will tell you things such as: “That
almost nothing is wrong in the marital act so long as the primary purpose of
the act was achieved at some point. Whatever happens before, during or
afterwards, was part of that act and therefore licit and permitted.”
This is clearly false, and have been refuted with Catholic Dogma (Pope Pius
XI), and Catholic teaching condemning the idea that the marital act - performed
for lust only - was without any fault or defect (quoted below). Anyone that
therefore listens to or follows these demonic peoples teachings or agrees with
them, will lose their souls, since they then reject the natural law God has
imprinted on their hearts.
Various
Errors on Moral Subjects, Condemned in a decree of the Holy Office, March 4,
1679: “THE ACT OF MARRIAGE EXERCISED FOR PLEASURE
ONLY IS ENTIRELY FREE OF ALL FAULT AND VENIAL DEFECT.” (Denz. 1159)
-Condemned by Pope Innocent XI.
In
Tobias, we can clearly see that there is a demon of lust, and that this demon
hath power over certain individuals who come together for various reasons
during the marital act: “Then the angel Raphael said to him [Tobias]:
Hear me, and I will shew thee who they are, over whom the devil can prevail. For
they who in such manner receive matrimony, as to shut out God from themselves,
and from their mind, and to give themselves to their lust, as the horse and
mule, which have not understanding, over them the devil hath power.”
People who thus shut God out from themselves and their hearts, and who do
things during, before or after the marital act which they normally wouldn't do
if they really believed that God were present with them, over them the devil
hath power. If concupiscence and lust is not controlled and in some sense
fought against, it will almost always end in mortal sin, because all control is
lost. “Go not after thy lusts, but turn away from thy own will.” (Ecclus.
18:30)
Many
are handed over to the devil before, during, or after the marital act though,
but this is only when they do more than what is necessary to complete the
procreative act or if their only purpose is to satisfy their lust, or if they
consent to thoughts that are sinful. For we can clearly see how persons that
are living in deliberate venial sins are handed over to the devil in St.
Bridget's Revelations:
Jesus
speaking to St. Bridget: “Moreover,
know that just as all mortal sins are very serious, so too a venial sin is made
mortal if a human being delights in it with the intention of persevering.
… Therefore, know for very certain that as often as they daub their faces with
antimony and other extraneous coloring [makeup], some of the infusion of
the Holy Spirit is diminished in them and the devil draws nearer to them.
In fact, as often as they adorn themselves in disorderly and indecent clothing
and so deform their bodies, the adornment of their souls is diminished
and the devil's power is increased.” (St. Bridget's Revelations,
Book 7, Chapter 27).
Most
couples who sin in the marriage act undoubtedly also fall for the sins of
vanity, immodest clothing, and use of makeup condemned by Jesus Christ above,
since these people really are lovers of the flesh, and not of God. However, in
the above statement, we can clearly see how those people who commit deliberate
venial sins, are in fact diminishing their love of God, and beauty of soul, and
that these people in fact are handed over to the devil for their sins: “some
of the infusion of the Holy Spirit is diminished in them and the devil draws
nearer to them.” This is an important point to remember. For as
often as a couple goes farther than what is licit or permitted (non-sinful) in
the procreative act, they always commit a sin (at least venially), and will
thus as a necessity be drawing closer to the devil (unless repentance is
followed). Therefore, it is of great importance that you learn to control your
lust. Risking eternal damnation for a momentary, deliberate venial or mortal
pleasure or sin is not worth it, and is a horribly bad choice to make:
Jesus
Christ speaking to St. Bridget:
“Therefore, two holes will be opened in him. Through the first there will enter
into him every punishment earned for his least sin up to his greatest,
inasmuch as he exchanged his Creator for his own lust. Through the
second there will enter into him every kind of pain and shame, and no divine
consolation or charity will ever come to him, inasmuch as he loved
himself rather than his Creator. His life will last forever and his punishment
will last forever, for all the saints have turned away from him.' My
bride, see how miserable those people will be who despise me and how
great will be the pain they purchase at the price of so little pleasure!”
(St. Bridget's Revelations, Book 2, Chapter 9).
So,
the more pleasure and sensual gratification a person seek to derive from the
sexual act, the more will the devil's power over him be increased, and the more
the sin is increased (with the intention of persevering), the more the devil's
power over him is increasing also, until what was a venial and pardonable sin,
becomes a mortal and damnable sin. Therefore, if you already understand that
you live in deliberate venial sin with respect to sexual pleasure, you need to
learn controlling your lust immediately, keeping it within the range of what is
licit and permitted within a marriage, and not by going any further...
A
couple then, when coming together, should not be concerned about the momentary
pleasure they derive from the act, or be working on enhancing it in unusual
ways, but should rather be focusing their mind on God and to love Him and
please Him, by feeling close to Him. Consequently, if a couple wish to be
perfect, they should pray to God to keep them from sinning during the act, and
that they may produce offspring to the honor and glory of God, and that He
might minimize the amount of pleasure they will feel during the act, so that
they may not grow attached to it. God might grant this prayer to a couple if
they so wish, but if they are not granted this gift (the begetting of children
or the minimizing of pleasure), they should still be focusing their pleasure
and love towards God, and not on themselves. God demands of us to not forget
Him during the procreative act. People usually tend to forget about God when
they have too much attention on themselves, or on their spouse, or the pleasure
derived from different acts. We can read the following important points
regarding this in the book of Tobias: “For they who in such manner
receive matrimony, as to shut out God from themselves, and from their mind,
and to give themselves to their lust, as the horse and mule,
which have not understanding, over them the devil hath power.” (Tobias
6:17). Notice the word “from their mind”, in the mind
(or heart) are usually all our thoughts, and God wishes us to have Him there.
The best thing then, and which God demands of you, is to think about Him and to
love Him during the whole procreative act, and husband and wife should not be
ashamed of doing so. Is not God better or more worthy of being desired or
lusted after than your husband or wife will ever be? The more a person loves
God, the more will that person desire to be close to God, during all times. One
of the greatest mistakes many couples undoubtedly do during the procreative
act, is that they strive to be close with their spouse rather than with God
(who knows everything and sees everything), or that they rather think of
pleasing their spouse more than pleasing God (who created them and redeemed
them, yes even died for them).
Prayer
before Marital Relations
“Then
Tobias exhorted the virgin, and said to her: Sara, arise, and let us pray to
God today, and tomorrow, and the next day: because for these three nights we
are joined to God: and when the third night is over, we will be in our own
wedlock. For we are the children of saints, and we must not be joined together
like heathens that know not God.” Tobias 8:4-5
Jesus
tells us of the necessity of praying always (Lk 18:1). We are never to cease
praying (1 Th 5:17). Thus, Christian married couples will always have marital
relations in the context of prayer. Tobias prayer before relations with his
wife is an example of this (Tb 8:4-8). In prayer, we express our weakness and
God's power (2 Cor 12:9) to rectify sinful problems in marital relations.
Praying
the Rosary before, during and after intercourse is highly recommended since it
is the most powerful prayer ever given to mankind. Granted, it might be hard to
pray during the act, at least in a worthy and proper manner, but spouses should
do their best to at least acknowledge the presence of God Almighty and His
Mother and loving them deeply during the act, by expressing loving words to God
and His Blessed Mother, supplicating Them for their help to resist sinful
inclinations. Husband and wife should not be ashamed of having recourse to the
Blessed Virgin and Our Lord during intercourse. In contrast, what better thing
can there possibly be for a couple then to always have God and the thought of
loving God in their minds during all times?
The importance of Loving God during intercourse
and at all times
We
can read the following interesting points of the importance of loving and
thinking about God during the procreative act in St. Bridget's Revelations:
The
Mother of God speaks to St. Bridget about Her parents: “When an angel revealed to them that they
would give birth to the Virgin from whom the salvation of the world would come,
they would rather have died than to come together in carnal love; lust was dead
in them. I assure you that when they did come together, it was because of
divine love and because of the angel’s message, not out of carnal
desire, but against their will and out of a holy love for God. In
this way, my flesh was put together by their seed and through divine love.”
(St. Bridget's Revelations, Book 1, Chapter 9).
Although
you will not be spared from feeling lust or concupiscence as it happened to
Anna and Joachim, this should in no way hinder you from loving and desiring God
during the procreative act, and should be the primary purpose along with love
of children for a couple, rather than desiring or lusting at your spouse. Most
couples, however, choose to think about themselves or their spouse in an
inordinate way and consequently to love themselves or their spouse during the
procreative act. Anna and Joachim, however, clearly chose the best part by
loving and thinking about God. If we think about God during the act, then our
love will be directed towards Him, which is the best part. God's love never
dies! So it's clearly a great mistake to seek love from a fleshly object that
will rot and be eaten by worms, rather than seeking it from God, who lives and
reigns forever and ever! Husband and wife should thus love their spouse, their
own, and their children's souls, and not their bodies that will rot and be
eaten by worms in the grave. This is an advice to those couples who wish to be
perfect, as Anna and Joachim were perfect.
St.
Jerome: "Do you imagine that we approve of any sexual intercourse except
for the procreation of children? He who is too ardent a lover of his own
wife is an adulterer [of his God]."
As
we can see above, he who loves his wife too much, or in other words, he who
loves his wife more than he loves God, is in fact an adulterer of his God. Tell
me, dear reader, whom do you love during the act, God, or your spouse? Have the
thought of God or that he is present ever even entered your mind during
intercourse? Have this absence of God's presence in your thought also driven
you into committing shameful sins by the inflaming of concupiscence in unlawful
ways? Indeed, those couples who doesn't shut God out from themselves or their
hearts during intercourse, will less likely fall into other sins during the
act. For if it is God we love during intercourse, it is him we are seeking to
please, and not ourselves or our spouse.
“He
that loveth father or mother more than me [Jesus], is not worthy of me; and he
that loveth son or daughter more than me, is not worthy of me.” (Matthew 10:37)
It
is also evident that the offspring of holy and devout parents will receive a
great many graces and benefits because of the parents' holiness, and that
according to many saints, lustful parents will effect their children,
inflicting sinful impulses on the child. Every parent who love their children
or their future children, should do their utmost to live in holiness, knowing
that every act they will ever do, can have an effect on their children, for
better or for worse. Only in Hell will bad parents understand how their acts
effected their children, but then it is sadly too late.
“Sometimes
I [Jesus] let evil parents give birth to good children, but more often,
evil children are born of evil parents, since these children imitate the evil
and unrighteous deeds of their parents as much as they are able and would
imitate it even more if my patience allowed them. Such a
married couple will never see my face unless they repent. For there
is no sin so heavy or grave that penitence and repentance does not wash it
away.” (St. Bridget's Revelations, Book 1, Chapter 26).
Love
is necessary for Salvation
For
a person to be Saved, he needs above all to love his God with all his mind, and
with all his strength, and with all his heart. If any person fails to do this
(in that he loves something more than God, whatever it may be or however small
it may be), he will not be Saved. Therefore, it is of the greatest importance
that people really start to do everything in their might and power to acquire
and foster the love of God in their hearts, by loving God very deeply always
and at all times, and by praying to God for help in loving Him worthily. If a
person can have deep love for their husband or wife, or for their children, by
having a desire for them constantly, then, likewise, should a person then have
no problem in growing an even greater love and longing for God in his heart, if
he only so wish and desires. We can read the following important words of
loving and desiring God in context of marriage in the wonderful Revelations of
St. Bridget of Sweden:
“For that reason, I [Jesus] wish to turn to the
spiritual marriage, the kind that is appropriate for God to have with a chaste
soul and chaste body. There are seven good things in it opposed to the evils
mentioned above[1]: First, there is no desire for beauty of form or bodily
beauty or lustful sights, but only for the sight and love of God.
Second, there is no desire to possess anything else than what is needed to
survive, and just the necessities with nothing in excess. Third, they avoid
vain and frivolous talk. Fourth, they do not care about seeing friends or
relatives, but I am their love and desire. Fifth, they desire to
keep the humility inwardly in their conscience and outwardly in the way they
dress. Sixth, they never have any will of leading lustful lives. Seventh, they
beget sons and daughters for their God through their good behavior and good
example and through the preaching of spiritual words.
“They preserve their faith undefiled when they
stand outside the doors of my church where they give me their consent and I
give them mine. They go up to my altar when they enjoy the spiritual delight of
my Body and Blood in which delight they wish to be of one heart and one
body and one will with me, and I, true God and man, mighty in heaven
and on earth, shall be as the third with them and will fill their heart.
The worldly spouses begin their marriage in lustful desires like brute beasts,
and even worse than brute beasts! But these spiritual spouses begin in
love and fear of God and do not bother to please anyone but me. The
evil spirit fills and incites those in the worldly marriage to carnal lust
where there is nothing but unclean stench, but those in the spiritual
marriage are filled with my Spirit and inflamed with the fire of my love that
will never fail them.” (St. Bridget's Revelations, Book 1, Chapter
26).
So,
then, what are the seven evil fruits of a worldly marriage in comparison to the
seven good fruits of the spiritual marriage mentioned above?
[1]
“But people in this age are joined in marriage for seven [evil] reasons: First,
because of facial beauty. Second, because of wealth. Third, because of the
despicable pleasure and indecent joy they get out of their impure intercourse.
Fourth, because of feasts with friends and uncontrolled gluttony. Fifth,
because of vanity in clothing and eating, in joking and entertainment and games
and other vanities. Sixth, for the sake of procreating children but not to
raise them for the honor of God or good works but for worldly riches and honor.
Seventh, they come together for the sake of lust and they are like brute beasts
in their lustful desires.” (St. Bridget's Revelations, Book 1, Chapter 26).
Only
ungodly couples, who would want to gratify their fleshly lust to the fullest
during the act, without even once thinking about God, would want to shut God
out from their hearts or their minds. God is always present for every action we
will ever make. Let's get this concept imprinted on our minds.
“I
am one God in three Persons, and one in Divinity with the Father and the Holy
Spirit. Just as it is impossible for the Father to be separated from the Son
and the Holy Spirit to be separated from them both, and as it is impossible for
warmth to be separated from fire, so it is impossible for these spiritual
spouses to be separated from me; I am always as the third with them.
Once my body was ravaged and died in torments, but it will never more be hurt
or die. Likewise, those who are incorporated into me with a true faith
and a perfect will shall never die away from me; for wherever they stand or sit
or walk, I am always as the third with them.” (St. Bridget's
Revelations, Book 1, Chapter 26).
Jesus
demands of us that we love Him even more than we love ourselves or our wife or
our children:
“He
that loveth father or mother more than me [Jesus], is not worthy of me; and he
that loveth son or daughter more than me, is not worthy of me.”
(Matthew 10:37)
“but
I alone was all their good and pleasure and perfect delight.” (St.
Bridget's Revelations, on Adam and Eve before the fall – Book 1, Chapter 26).
The
meaning of the passage above, wasn't that a couple couldn't delight or feel
pleasure in/from God anymore, but rather that before the fall, God was the only
delight and pleasure man ever felt and desired. After the fall, God had to
compete with human concupiscence and fleshly lust. God is a jealous God, and he
wants us to love and desire Him above everything else. So, to love God during
all times, even during intercourse, is an advice to those couples who wish to
be perfect, and for those couples who ardently longs and desires to be united
with God through ecstatic love. Consequently, those people who choose to
despise and disregard what's been covered here, seek then not to be united with
the eternal, incorruptible God (who lives and reigns forever and ever), but
with a fleshly worthless object (that will rot and be eaten by worms in a
grave).
Relations during pregnancy should be avoided
Pope
Pius XI, Casti Connubii: “Nor are those considered as acting against
nature who, in the married state, use their right in the proper manner,
although on account of natural reasons either of time or of certain defects,
new life cannot be brought forth. For in matrimony as well as in the
use of matrimonial rights there are also secondary ends, such as mutual aid,
the cultivation of mutual love, and the quieting of concupiscence
which husband and wife are not forbidden to consider, so long as they are
subordinated to the primary end and so long as the intrinsic nature of
the act is preserved.”
The
primary end of marriage is of course the procreation and education of Children:
Pope
Pius XI, Casti Connubii (# 17), Dec. 31, 1930: “The primary end of
marriage is the procreation and the education of children.”
...
The
only reason why relations during pregnancy is allowed is because to avoid a
greater evil, such as adultery (in deed or thought), masturbation, or spouse
rape. This is thus not something meritorious, but something that is allowed
because of concupiscence and human weakness, and because many people cannot
live chastely without otherwise falling into mortal sin. To St. Jerome, the
marital act was not something good or praiseworthy, because it only acts as a
relief valve to avoid a greater evil:
St.
Jerome: "Thus it must be bad to touch a woman. If indulgences is
nonetheless granted to the marital act, this is only to avoid something worse.
But what value can be recognized in a good that is allowed only with a view of
preventing something worse?"
The
main difference between Natural Infertility due to old age, or due to defects,
compared with the infertility during pregnancy, is that in the first two, if
God so wills, He may open the womb of the infertile due to old age, or due to
defects, as we can read happening many times in the Bible. But in the third
case, when a wife is pregnant, she cannot become pregnant again - according to
the natural order God has established - and that's really the main difference
between the two. However, it's a fact that it was ordained in the Old Testament
for couples to abstain from each other during pregnancy, and during the wife's
monthly cycles (her menstrual period). St. Augustine even thought this law
still applies to us today. The best option is of course to remain chaste during
the wife's pregnancy, since there is no chance of her becoming pregnant again.
Anne Catherine Emmerich had the following interesting points to say about
marital relations during pregnancy:
“It
was explained to me here that the Blessed Virgin was begotten by her parents in
holy obedience and complete purity of heart, and that thereafter they lived
together in continence in the greatest devoutness and fear of God. I was
at the same time clearly instructed how immeasurably the holiness of children
was encouraged by the purity, chastity, and continence of their parents and by
their resistance to all unclean temptations; and how continence after
conception preserves the fruit of the womb from many sinful impulses.
In general, I was given an overflowing abundance of knowledge about the roots
of deformity and sin.” (Anne Catherine Emmerich, Life of the Blessed
Virgin Mary).
Many
lustful people will not agree with what Anne Catherine Emmerich said above, and
they may even be offended by it. This is so because these people want to
deceive themselves into thinking there's nothing wrong at all about
concupiscence (even though it's a known fact that it leads countless of souls
to Hell). It's a fact that the sexual lusts and the sexual temptations that
urges people into committing sins of the flesh, is an evil product from the
fall. In other words, it was not originally intended to happen in this way
according to God's original plan for mankind, but it ended up in that way
because of Adam's and Eve's transgression. If a person is honest with himself,
he will understand that this is true. However, most people want to deceive themselves
and therefore choose to overlook this fact.
Another
instance of the truth that marital relations during pregnancy is bad can be
found in The Revelations of St. Bridget Book 9 or appendix. St. Bridget asks a
man (her husband) that is now in purgatory about the specific reasons why he
escaped eternal hell. This is the third reason why he escaped hell: “The
third [reason] is that I obeyed my teacher who advised me to abstain from my
wife’s bed when I understood that she was pregnant.”
Thus,
it is totally clear that those who have marital relations during pregnancy are
endangering their own and their child's spiritual welfare. However, the above
passage was not a condemnation of relations during pregnancy, but it clearly
indicates that there can be a danger spiritually in having relations during the
time of a pregnancy.
The evil of concupiscence
St.
Augustine goes so far as to call concupiscence evil and a disease (although not
evil in the generative aspect). Yes, he even shares a point we have thought could
be true, namely, that Original Sin is transmitted through Lust:
St.
Augustine: “Wherefore the devil
holds infants guilty [original sin] who are born, not of the good by which
marriage is good, but of the evil of concupiscence, which,
indeed, marriage uses aright, but at which even marriage has occasion to feel
shame.” (On Marriage and Concupiscence Book 1, Chapter 27).
St.
Augustine: “This disease
of concupiscence is what the apostle refers to, when, speaking to
married believers, he says: 'This is the will of God, even your
sanctification, that you should abstain from fornication: that every one of you
should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor; not in the disease
of desire, even as the Gentiles which know not God.' (1 Thessalonians
4:3-5). The married believer, therefore, must not only not use another man's
vessel, which is what they do who lust after others' wives; but he must know
that even his own vessel is not to be possessed in the disease of carnal
concupiscence.” (On Marriage and Concupiscence Book 1, Chapter 9).
Adultery,
fornication and masturbation are examples of bad and damnable lust. Lust is
also an evil in marriage and can easily turn into something damnable if husband
and wife goes too far (as sadly happens with most couples today, even by those
who call themselves Catholic). Just because it's licit to perform the marriage
act for procreative purposes in marriage, does not make the lust caused thereof
good or praiseworthy. St. Augustine explains this point further:
“Forasmuch,
then, as the good of marriage could not be lost by the addition of this evil
[lust]... Since, therefore, marriage effects some good even out of that evil,
it has whereof to glory; but since the good cannot be effected without the
evil, it has reason for feeling shame. The case may be illustrated by the
example of a lame man. Suppose him to attain to some good object by limping
after it, then, on the one hand, the attainment itself is not evil because of
the evil of the man's lameness; nor, on the other hand, is the lameness good
because of the goodness of the attainment. So, on the same principle, we
ought not to condemn marriage because of the evil of lust; nor must we praise
lust because of the good of marriage.” (On Marriage and
Concupiscence Book 1, Chapter 8).
Sexual
temptations during lawful procreative relations can also be a cause of sin
since it may drive a husband and wife to go farther than what is necessary or
licit, either during, before or after the marital act, and this, of course, is
also a great evil. These temptations, as we have seen, does not turn into
something good just because a person is married, for he is still tempted into
committing sins. This is one of the very reasons that lust and sexual
temptations are bad, also in marriage, for they are still defects, and are
still occasions of sin and an evil product from the fall, a product from
original sin.
Temptations
are thus not something good, but are truly “unclean temptations”
as described above by Anne Catherine Emmerich, and the “evil of
concupiscence” or “this disease of concupiscence” as stated above by
St. Augustine. If a person understands these concepts and agrees with them
(that a couple's sensual behavior during their child's pregnancy could effect
their child in a negative way, inflicting sinful impulses upon the child), will
he understand and agree with what Anne Catherine Emmerich said above. The
wisdom by Anne Catherine Emmerich is worth quoting again:
“It
was explained to me here that the Blessed Virgin was begotten by her parents in
holy obedience and complete purity of heart, and that thereafter they lived
together in continence in the greatest devoutness and fear of God. I was
at the same time clearly instructed how immeasurably the holiness of children
was encouraged by the purity, chastity, and continence of their parents and by
their resistance to all unclean temptations; and how continence after
conception preserves the fruit of the womb from many sinful impulses.
In general, I was given an overflowing abundance of knowledge about the
roots of deformity and sin.” (Life of the Blessed Virgin Mary).
The
sensuality that thus will be aroused during pregnancy, is a great evil that
will be affecting both husband and wife, and their future child. Relations
during pregnancy can also sometimes be dangerous to the child, and could lead
to a premature birth. So however one looks at it, the best opinion is to
practice abstinence. And if a person claims that he cannot do this, how then
will he manage when either one of the spouses dies?
If
spouses wishes to nurture virtue, and if there is a mutual consent for
abstaining from marital relations, then both husband and wife can separate from
each other any amount of time they decide, in order to cultivate virtue and
evangelical perfection. We pray and beg that all may consider to do this from
time to time. With all these facts in consideration, the most prudent thing is
obviously to remain chaste during the whole duration of the pregnancy, in order
to nurture virtue in yourself and your future children.
Finally,
consider the words of Sacred Scripture on marriage and sexuality:
Hebrews
13:4 “May marriage be honorable in every way, and may the marriage bed be
immaculate. For God will judge fornicators and adulterers.”
Ephesians
5:12 “For the things that are done by them in secret are shameful, even to
mention.”
[Last Updated: December 8, 2012 - Statements against Natural Family Planning was removed.]
[Last Updated: December 10, 2012 - Statement against Vatican II was removed.]
